Starting today, I am going to focus on honing my writing skills. I know I have a way with words, but I am never satisfied with what I can do. Is it so wrong to strive to be better and better and better, until I become the best that I could possibly be? Charge it to my innate personality. Being a natural type A, I cannot be contented with mediocrity. Even when it comes to my art, I keep on striving to be better every single time. I do not want to think that I am competing against others. I am well aware that I am my own worst enemy, and that if there is somebody whom I should outdo it would have to be me and nobody else.
To be honest, there is that voice at the back of my head that beats me up relentlessly for being such a coward. I've let go of so many opportunities in the past due to misconceptions, misguided judgments, and my own inability to determine what I really want out of my life and myself that I can't help but feel remorseful. Well, a week before I turn 34, I vow to turn my life around and make some serious changes in me.I would become what I want to be and get what I want, even if it is the last thing I do. I've had it with vacillating and fooling around. The string of miseries that has marked the past ten years of my existence comes to a close right this very minute.No more would I suffer from all the heartaches and pent up emotions which caught up with me as the years passed. I am breaking out of my shell. I would no longer put up with this living nightmare of regret and intense longing that has haunted me almost every minute of the day for the past decade.
It all ends here.
Every day starting from now, I would be writing either one anecdote or just an ordinary rambling or musing (like this one) on my blog. Along with it, I would write one Haiku and poem, each one to be accompanied by a small drawing which I would also work on every day during my break time at work. Am I being too hard on myself? No. I'm just doing what needs to be done. There is no other way for me to force myself to open and unleash that shrieking and all consuming desire that has been nagging me for ages. I have eluded my fate and denied myself the satisfaction of using my own talents to advance myself forward long enough. It is about time that I fulfill my destiny and set myself free.
(I created the painting above a couple of years ago. A mixed media obra; I used acrylic, oil, and a variety of beads(wooden, glass, and plastic), and a fabric sunflower to execute it. It is actually a self-portrait, hence its title "Maris".)